I don't really use names because my personal life is no ones business. I am barely holding myself together, so there's no use adding another variable to the mix.
While, my life is still in shambles, I do what I have always known. Soldier on. For a while, I didn't' know how to anymore. But on the way home from the massive road trip, that I will NEVER do again, I acquired a Black Onyx necklace. I got it because I've always loved black onyx. Little did I know what it would do to help me. It repels negative energy. I never believed in any of that stuff, til I put it on and the weight of my life began to lift. It has literally saved me. Whats sad is that I had someone who runs a veterans organization aimed at PTSD tell me that he had to delete me because his group is mainly Christian based. Ok? So because I decided to try something holistic, even tho I too have PTSD, I had to go? How can someone claim to want to spread the word and help veterans with PTSD, but have a catch.. like a religion.. Thats total bullshit. Anyone legit would be happy that the veteran found something that works for them, not cast them aside because they don't go to church. I was in shock when I was told this.
Either way... I feel like an extra. I feel like I'm just here to do what other people don't want to do. I feel like I'm being used. I feel like I'm still in the Army, where us little people are treated like garbage. But, I do it anyways, cuz why not? I never know whats going on in my life. I have to take it literally one hour at a time. Which is not the way to live your life. I can't even make plans, because I dont know what is going on. The only plan that I've made is to go to vegas whenever I get my money. But after the VA decided to push my appt back 4 fuckin months, I'm so poor right now. I can't even afford to think about the future. How sad is that.
Maybe someday I'll figure it out. Maybe someday I'll feel wanted. But for now, I'll just sit here and post links about veterans. Its what I'm best at.
