When I decided to write Becoming A Ghost, the only thing that occurred to me was the ability to vent. In whatever way chosen, it has served its purpose. It DOES allow me to vent. However, everything is still the same. Still as broken, confusing and overwhelming as before. Alone.
I spend each day wondering aimlessly trying to find my place in this society. I am just another broken piece 0f government property, proud of their service, yet fading to black. Very few things keep me happy. And their all pretty basic. Don't lie to me. I'll know before you even do. When you think you got away with it, its only because for some reason I let it slide. Don't tell me you love me if you don't. Don't mess with my head, to help you clear yours, knowing full well you'd drop me like a bad habit. And don't treat me like shit. Actually pretty simple. If you fuck that up, you're a moron. Unfortunately, I know more than my fair share of those.
The last time I checked, i'm alone on this road to redemption. I never, not for a minute, ever expected anything less. It's the path my life has led me since day one. Always rely solely on yourself. People are mean and hateful by nature. Very few people are sincere. Most, are only out for themselves and very rarely think otherwise. I've seen firsthand that the infidelities of others can destroy you from the inside out. It can tear your soul to pieces and by the time you know, the damage is already done.
I've spent the majority of my life trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong. Where did this chaotic path begin? Was there a way to stop the consequences that followed? One can never know, because the past is the past for a reason. You're supposed to buck up and move forward. But what if you can't? What if you literally don't know how? That is where I am. Stuck in limbo. The purgatory life of a veteran. Where you don't move around too much, because you know it will not make a difference. When you're soul pulls away from itself, detaches and just hangs out til given the word.
I'm not 100% sure what to do with my life. Do I run? Or do I hang back and see how it all turns out? Hopefully soon that final decision will of been made. Until then, I will sit here and stare at the profounding emptiness that looms.
