Mass Confusion

My life is utter chaos. Theres problems popping up everywhere. I'm not motivated to deal with any of it. I guess I just hating finding out shit from other ppl or posts. It irritates me. There's my psycho mother who is ALWAYS starting shit with everyone. If there's a feud, she had something to do with it. Its ALWAYS been like that. I don't even talk to her anymore, and she's still finding ways to piss me off. My cousin had her as a friend on facebook and she could see her just slamming my sister and talkin shit about everyone other than her perfect obedient son... My family is so fuckin dysfunctional.

Then theres the fact that my life is fuckin chaos right now. I'm so messed up. I dont cry... ever... I didn't even cry when i punched a cement brick and damn near broke my hand... but lately.. thats all do. I'm so frustrated, so confused, so helpless. I hate everything about today. Today was stupid. All i managed to get done was get a new license, that i look HORRIBLE in. The rest of the day was horrible. And i knew it would be.

I just want to die. I have no reason to be here. I really thought I did, but I just can't shake the feeling that i'm nothing. I watch all these ppl with their kids, and families... and i'm sitting in my dads house at 27... with nothing but a computer. My only outlet. TRYING to be quiet because they're asleep downstairs.

I have nothing to live for. the main reason i came back was to help nick, and i can't even do that. every single idea is shot down. i have no family of my own. i have no animals. i have me. and this computer...everyone i talk to is on facebook. what does that say about me? that i have no life. that i have nothing. i tried to keep myself busy. i thought that would help. it didn't. i'm still just as fucked up as i was. i even posted blogs on facebook, hoping someone could read through the lines and be like 'hey, somethings not right.' but no. just business as usual.

i dont care who my shit goes to. i have a whole bunch of shit that needs picked up at walmart. and entire bedroom set. you can toss all my shit. i don't care either way.