Alone

I've been so out of it lately. I've been trying to keep it all together,but its a lot harder than it used to be. I'm broken. Dying inside. I'm numb....hollow. I wish there was a way to change that. I don't know how. My life has been nothing but disappointment. One decent thing is overshadowed by everything that consumes me. I'm falling apart. And there's no one to lean on here. Maybe things will change when I leave. I hope so. I don't know how much longer I can do this.

Constantly shaking. I try to be positive, but then I look around. No one is there. No one is ever there. I don't foresee anything changing. I'm too broken to recover. I have no family. I have no basis to go on. I wish I knew how I got to this point. I wish I knew how to fix this.

I've come to the realization that I will spend the rest of my life alone, in pain and tormented. Its hard to accept, but I dont have a choice. My whole basis to go on has nothing to do with me. It's just about who I may be able to help in a somewhat indirect way. But how long can I keep doing that? It's hard to push through when you have nothing left to live for........