I hate to think the way I am right now. But the inevitable... its gonna happen whether we're prepared or not. Watching someone die was never on my list of things I was prepared to do. But who is? Either way. its the right thing to do. I know it is. Just sucks that it has to happen this way.
I survive the way I do, because of music and allowing myself to break when I feel I need to. Of course there was a time when no one knew it . I was so secretive about it. I was afraid to show weakness. I've definitely moved past that.
I'm just as strong as I was, but we all have a breaking point. I'm pretty sure i'll be ok as far as total breakdowns are concerned. But i have been broken easier these days. Reality is a shitty thing. You realize all the stuff goin on around you, and just like in iraq, know there isn't a damn thing you can do about it but survive it.
I tend to try to keep to myself when i'm having bad days. Only because I dont want to bring people down with me. But we all need someone to talk to . Cali is good for me. I almost packed up my car and left today lol but yea. Can't leave quite yet.
