This will be fairly short.
I've felt empty before, but this is a whole new level. I just feel hollow. Its getting harder everyday. The pain has increased all over, I can't breathe for shit, I have cysts that magnify the pain by at least 30%...probably more, and thats not even half of it. I can't keep track of all my ailments.
Like a lot of people with PTSD, I struggle with my self esteem. I think I'm just an average chic with a WHOLE lot of baggage. If you see me differently, than thats all you. I'll probably never share that sentiment. I feel like the 3rd wheel a lot. So, I'm always trying to figure out how I fit in, if I should even say anything, if I should say something stupid, etc etc. Maybe I'm just used to being forgotten, avoided, fucked over and used. Thats all part of the excess trash I need to dismember and destroy. (Working on it.)
I spent most of my time either helping veterans or figuring out ways to help them. It's all I know. Its all I really know how to do anymore. And whatever I don't know, I know lots of other people to figure it out. Thats the beauty of it. Everyone wins. Well, except my bank account. Cuz I've poured pretty much all I got into it.
I have so much to do, that going to school is no longer an option right now. I can' barely do what I need to do as it is. Its crazy. I can't work, so I don't have a job. How can I be this busy?
