Christmas Day. Finally we have reached this holiday, dreaded by many. Not because of the religious factor, but because it's lonely. This time of year is supposed to be about being with family and friends. But what do you do, if you don't exactly have that? What if you still feel isolated? What if... you spend Christmas alone? Some just can't really afford to do the big commercial Christmas thing. And in my opinion, the poorer you are; the more you understand what really matters in life. Being spoon fed money, power and bullshit will get you nowhere but going through life arrogant and pathetic. The downside is that being poor doesn't exactly help you buy your kid presents. They just learn the hard way what it's like to have nothing; what it's like to barely survive the holidays. The 'privileged' will never know what it's like to pray, wish or hope for a Christmas miracle. Because they voted on their salary before they left for the holidays, while Bills that benefit Veterans and American citizens are done at their leisure. No rush. Funny how that works. Americans are losing their homes because they got laid off and all they can think about is how much money they're gonna add to their already ridiculous salary. I know I'm venting, and I'm sorry. Cuz, ya know, it's Christmas. But I gotta get it out somehow. there will probably be another one later. I expect today to be camera worthy, because it is definitely gonna be interesting.
I'm hoping that next year, after I get settled finally, Christmas will be better. Not just better, the best. That's my plan. I've had enough shitty, depressing, lonely and literally painful Christmas's. enough that I was about to throw in the 'toy bag'. Each year it got worse. each year it was the same. things are about to change. I've regained a very important part of me that was lost there for a while. The part that allows to laugh at futile attempts at trying to 'hurt' me, that reminds me that I can't save everyone, and kindly tells me to go where my soul leads me. And honestly, I've secretly always wanted to live in long beach haha. I'm gonna scope it out while I'm down south for the event in Studio City. On the way back up, I'm just gonna go straight to Redding. Why?
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| Bradley, about a week or 2 old. |
BRADLEY!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep! Soon!! Gotta commandeer some doggy stuff (bed, leash, crate, treats, food, dishes, a vet!! lol) for the little guy. I'm SOOOO excited about Bradley. In March or April, I drive BACK down to Long Beach to solidfy everything for the move. The next time I show my face in Long Beach, I won't be leaving. :)
I noticed that my bullshit tolerance has decreased. Which is a part of who I used to be. I never put up with ANYONE's bs. Ever. I ended up just following along, never knowing what was going on or where I was going, until I snapped. It's a hard way to hit bottom. Like jumping off the grand canyon. Surviving that would be a miracle. God himself would have to float down and help cushion your fall. . I'm kinda of stuck in the middle. Which is a problem for some people, because they don't understand why I'm not like them. There's a reason why I'm not a fan of religion. Look at what people do when they take their faith to a whole new deadly level. I've seen the worst in people. I was a case that didn't get religious while I was in Iraq. I fear what it does to people who are easily swayed. Here's a little background, and oddly I don't think this has EVER come up in conversation. I was born a protestant, went to church with my grandfather every Sunday until his death. I actually learned how to tie my shoes in church. :) I've read the bible at least 10 times and there's a lot in there that just doesn't make sense to me. I'm a realist. I act on fact not faith. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I need to get back to the little girl who hardly ever missed a Sunday School. We shall see.
Some things, there's just no coming back from. You're not really 'in a pickle'. You're stubborn. Just keep moving...and don't look back. The longer you stick around, the harder it is to leave. Not even because you WANT to stay, but because that life is set to a routine. Call it 'force of habit'. Stop being lazy. Pack your shit and go. Run even. If you're that unhappy, why would you stay? Be kinda stupid huh. Of course this advise is easier said than done. Not that it's an issue NOW. Because if I could, I'd move to Long Beach tonight.
The stars shine no matter where you are. All you need to do find a place that fits you. Risks are the fun part of life. The EPIC FAILS that follow? not so much.
