I started wearing a black onyx necklace. I looked up the meaning and its supposed to repel negative energy. So, I don't have thoughts racing through my head anymore, but the severity of the fallout from my PTSD is what is taking its toll right now. I feel lost and alone. And I have a feeling I will always feel like that. I just can't do anything right anymore. I'm so stressed, but holding it together as much as I can.
I dont care who reads this anymore. I need a vacation. I need a break from all this shit. I need to just disappear.
There is no such thing as sunshine and rainbows in my life. Theres just confusion. I wish I had some answers as to how and why my life repeatedly takes a cliff dive. I'm tired of hitting bottom. Nothing like being kicked when you're down.
I have to play like i'm happy go lucky when on facebook most of the time, because if I dont, i get yelled at and/or attitude. I fought for my freedom... and now I get yelled at for expressing it? I lost every right I had a long time ago apparently. I'm just tired of ppl expecting me to be the stand up guy... would it kill for someone to give me a fuckin hug? Ppl that are around my all the time just ignore it. When a hug is literally what would help get me out of this 'funk' that i'm in. Its amazing how elusive ppl can bt. How can you not know whats wrong with me? If you dont you're a complete moron.
What I have learned from my 70% service connected disability rating for PTSD is: One of the most effective ways to deal with depression is to help someone else. It is best to keep the help small, personal. Help an old lady across the street instead of changing the whole system. My only friends are combat vets, I have no love life. It is best this way.
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way lol I don't really associate too much with civilians. Feels weird.
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