Instead....

If left alone, PTSD and TBI can drastically and negatively affect your life in immense waves. Mine's being treated, but it's the holidays. That means a lot of depressed veterans and troops.  Including yours truly. 

My life is always changing. You'd think that would be  normal, but it's a level and speed of change that is just unreal. I can't even keep up with my own life, because I never know what's going on. I got a real good grip on it today and it occurred to me that I'm used to it. No one should get used to being miserable. Apparently over the years, I've given up hope. What's the point? The end is always the same.

It's easier for me to go through life pretty low key. I keep to myself a lot anyways now. Not even on purpose. I just have no one here to have a 'one-on-one' chit-chat with. Funny how isolated you can feel even when you're not actually alone.

I just wanted a normal life. The house, the husband, the kids, the pets.... ya know. Like basically everyone else I know. Instead I have a moon chair and a car that was nicknamed 'the great pumpkin'. Instead I can't even have kids, let alone maintain any kind of relationship. Instead, I sit here and wonder why I even bother. Instead, the only pet I own is an IPod touch. Instead, I have full storage and have nowhere to put anything I own. Instead, I never want to celebrate another holiday as long as I live.

Nothing is how it's supposed to be. Of course, we're pretty resilient. So, I just go with it a lot. Unfortunately, it's done nothing but lead me in circles. Its hard to give a shit when you know you're being used. This is gonna be a long couple of weeks.