Norhing to say

So, I avoided posting anything because i got tired of people judging me. People that didn't even know me, yet told me to suck it up. So avoided this like the plague.

But I decided, FUCK everyone who wants to talk shit to me.

I already know i'm pretty much a nobody. But thats not the issue.

I'm tired of being judged. No one REALLY knows me... or knows wtf i've been through. Yet ppl like to tell me to 'suck it up." This isn't active duty. NO ONE tells me wtf to do. And NO ONE is obligated to read this shit. So if you dont like what i have to say, fuck off and good bye.  I'm tired of pleasing ppl i dont know. I'm tired of 'fixing my words' to make ppl feel better for having a different outlook of me.

.......................................

A lot of time has passed since my last post. Because the last time, i was fighting some asshole i didn't know for the right to the freedom of speech we fought for. A right that his opinion decided, i wasn't allowed.

in that time, i lost my dog. Got a cat, who treats me like both my ex husbands..... and i am still alone here. So used to it, that i have no idea how to talk to guys. I have no idea what a date is, because i've never actually been on one, so i have no idea how that works. I'm destined to be the cat lady. Who's only excitement is feeding the gazillion cats.   Some ppl can have kids.. well i can't. Tho everyone i know seems to be popping them out or creating their own familieis. I'm still the same old me. Bored, alone and lost. The friends i thought i had, have abandoned me like everyone else in my life. It is what it is. but no VA psychiatrist can fix this. I have to be able to trust them... and i dont trust them....and never will.

I spend every weekend alone in my apt. I leave the apt long enough to get food or liquor. Then I come back here to get drunk by myself and pretend my cat likes me. But cats are the 'valley girls' of their species.

I'm so used to being alone, that the days that drive ppl crazy are regular days to  me. i've literally given up. Why should i care when no one cares about me? yea.. fuck that. and fuck everyone who thinks i'm either a pussy or a fool. YOU have not been in my shoes while i was being raped or having my head smashed off the ground just for existing. So fuck you.


Have I been trying? Yes. But the 'end-state' is always the same. Just me.. because i dont do what my friends or associates say. So at this point, its best if i tell everyone to fuck off.