Failure

Too much torment and chaos in my life. When others cool down, mine heats up. And has a habit of staying that way for years. So, here i sit; shot in hand trying to come to terms with the fact i'm a fucking failure. It never ends. One good thing happens and a hurricane of torment comes my way. I want to scream, but have no voice. Just sit here hoping to fade away. Music has always been my only outlet. But as times change, everything changes. I've been able to tell my incarcerated cousin more than i've been able to tell most people. Maybe there was always a connection through all the years of nothing; or maybe i'm just fucking crazy and just hope i have a connection with SOMEONE. I have no clue.

Either way, i'm losing my mind. And just in time. Just in time to go home to PA to the biggest fucking failure of VA hospitals. Where the citizens mostly look at you like you're just crazy. Its the one place i never wanted to go back to. Yet since i have no choice...i'll stay til Nicks trial is over. Then move to Florida. Away from the cold. Away from every memory i've ever had. And start over. I need to. I have to. I have no other choice. If i don't, i might as well be dead.