They call it isolation. I call it life. I'm so used to being alone, that its always routine. Kinda like before I got out (and was still married) when I always felt alone. But what can you do. You can't force ppl to give a fuck about you. You can't force ppl to care. You just gotta.... suck it up. It'd be a shit ton easier if I had a family that actually called... I just don't. I have veterans who need help. I have orgs who want my support. I have issues that need dealt with. Just no actual family. Does it suck? Yes. Very much. But it's the cards I was dealt. Someones gotta suffer forever.... if its gotta be me.. then its gotta be me. I have nothing to lose. So, it makes no difference either way. I'll still be here no matter what. No use pouting just because my life is fucked up. Let the ppl who CAN be happy .. be happy. Whether it be their full fledged fam... or even just a kid. Fam is fam nonetheless. I have "when, i feel like your fam'' kind of fam. So essentially, I have no support system. No calls to say, 'hey. how you REALLY doin?'. No one ever fuckin calls me. I'm like the blacksheep. Ppl only care when they feel bad. I don't want pity. I want fucking respect. I want a real family who cares. I just don't have that. They care on THEIR schedule. Still pisses me off.
Most things people say are just words on a page. Words ppl think will make me feel better. Not words of truth or distinction. Just words. People say a lot of things. Ask anyone. I'm the little sister. Always have been. People can say what they want, but when they meet me the same thing happens. "You're like a sister." HAHAHA seriously. Just how it is. Which I've totally accepted. What else am I supposed to do? Pout? Not my thing. Just cuss to myself at how FUCKED my luck is and keep moving. Of course when no one is looking I'm a whole dif person. I'm the classic PTSD patient. Zoning. Falling. Dying inside. But no one knows. Why? Because no one pays that much attention. Its so obvious. Like a slap in the face. Somehow no one feels it. I feel abandoned. But no worries. I"m used to it. Sad huh. And yet again, this reach for help will have failed. Nothing new.
Would it kill the world to give a shit? Apparently so. Apparently its too much work to actually be there for someone who has no one around. Pathetic.
Regardless, tomorrow will be a new day. And tomorrow will have new duties, new challenges, new issues. Just wish I had someone to share all this with. As of now, ppl only call me when they feel like it. So I literally have NO SUPPORT system. Does America care? Nope. All they care about is themselves. How fucking selfish can one get? They have a family. I have nothing. They have good times.. I have horrid memories. This country needs a wake up call in the form of a bitch slap.
Wow dude. This is HER way of not allowing things to build to the extent of hurting herself or others through depression is writing about it. If you didn't like what she had to say then YOU shouldn't have read it in the first place. Stop being a douche in your mothers basement trying to act all tough punk. I bet anything Lori has done more in her life then you could ever say.
ReplyDeleteKeith Riemer: Proud Friend of Lori's (Facebook)